He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
