How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
