I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
