so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
FUCK WHALES
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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