I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
