When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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