I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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