There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
