You're completely useless in the revolution.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
