i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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