Will you blow on my dice?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
