Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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