oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You may now shotgun with the bride
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
