the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
