FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
