She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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