Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Mom said you looked used
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
