If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
