I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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