Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
