on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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