it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
