so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
