K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
