he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
