my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
