Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
