oh god the rape fog is back!
birth control should be required to get into college
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
