I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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