Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
