look no pants
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
