I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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