how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
