Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
