tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
