Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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