Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
