dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
