problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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