the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
