life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
