Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
