i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
