Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
