am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
