She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
