My Higher Power is John Stamos
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
