new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
