since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
