I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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