My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
