i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
How's work?
Spinning.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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